How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
