Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
