Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
