She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
