She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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