did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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