Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
