I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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