you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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