you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
