I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
