I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize