so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.