in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just started talking about how noodles were so good