if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"