Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high