Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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