Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
