It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize