paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
