The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
