If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
