my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
