saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
