i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
