I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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