I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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