look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
