just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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