You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
