The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Michael Bay diarrhea
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
