Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
