i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
