how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
