my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
