Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Holy shit dude........stairs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
