Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
