and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize