My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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