Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
