Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
