OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We left the knife in your bed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
