the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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