I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
