you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We're too hungover to prance.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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