what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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