No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
