I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
