but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i think im in europe. pls send help
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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