I heard we made out
I just made out with a guy for $7.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
