highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
