I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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