i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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