I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize