Im at strip club and am horny
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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