im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
