I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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