I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
