Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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