These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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