I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
