and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
