God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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