Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
